Except it was one of those days at work…
I’m a cashier part time while I’m in university. And sometimes people are reaaaallly dumb. As the day wore on and I cashed out more and more people I started to notice a trend; just when I thought my head was going to explode from such random ridiculousness I began to semi-unconsciously compile a character composite of customers I came into contact with. And I thought I’d list them here for your personal pleasure, all the hilarity of working in a retail job…
Doesn’t talk to you like an asshole customer. Usually a middle-age or elderly man who grunts whenever you attempt any sort of basic communication. “Hi, how are you?” Nothing. *starts scanning things* “Would you like a bag?” If you’re lucky, some sort of nasally sound indicating yes. Or at least what I interpret to be yes. Would it kill you to actually speak like a human being?
Aggressive in a rush customer. Usually a middle aged man with sharp jerky movements. They place their shit on the counter, before I can even say my usual kiss ass script or scan even the first item they’ve pulled out their wallet and said “credit”. Okaaaay well good don’t take the time to look at what you’re buying and the cost then. Less hassle for me.
Socially awkward penguin customer. They take too long gathering their stuff together to leave so you’re standing there trying to determine where you should be looking, trying to think of things you could be doing so you look sorta busy like you’re not watching them. Or maybe, like today, a customer says what I think was perhaps a Star Wars reference/greeting…anyway it went over my head and I didn’t get it, and so of course it gets weird. Sigh.
“Where’s your nametag?” customer. Only had one of these today so I guess I can’t really put this person in any sort of category but it still annoyed me enough to make the list. Fuck off. That’s where my nametag is.
Digs his man claws into my skin customer. Again, only encountered one of these today thank god but it was enough to make the list. Enough said. Well not enough said, cut your nails. For real.
“Can you read me what the box says?” customer. Usually a middle aged woman who you can tell has never had to do a damn thing for herself ever in her life. “Does this come with batteries?” I point to the smaller print in plain view on the side of the box that says “batteries included”. Because I, as the cashier working for minimum wage, definitely knows way more about this random product than you do *sarcasm*. Read you dumb woman, I’m just here to take your money.
Last but not least my personal favorite. DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO WORK THEIR FREAKIN CREDIT/DEBIT CARD CUSTOMER. Oh people were TESTING me with this one. They put the card in too early, they put their pin in when it hasn’t prompted them to, they press okay without putting their pin in, they don’t know how to press the button for chequing or savings (yes, really…), they can’t read the keypad like what is wrong with you people?! If it were up to me, if you can’t figure out how to work a basic debit card then you don’t get to buy anything. You’re too stupid to use your own money then you shouldn’t be buying shit. End of story.
Sighhhh such is the life of a student. And at the end of the day I really do mean to write all this because it’s funny, however I feel I should acknowledge that it’s Thanksgiving and all that (hahaha finally!) I remember as a kid my mom would make us all go around the table listing off what we were thankful for, and to be a smart ass one year I said my bed over my family.
This year, what I’m thankful for is my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my bed, and MY JOB. Because no matter how crappy it may be sometimes it pays the bills, and—among the support my parents also provide—it’s a means to an education, and eventually a better job. The continuance of a happy life. And so I am thankful.